Total Surrender to God – The Persona of Surrender
When I was young, I wanted to surrender to God, but I had an emptiness in my heart. I always went to church with friends of my parents. I grew up knowing Jesus, learning all of the Bible stories, memorizing verses. I was known as “the good girl,” telling others about Jesus, following all of the “rules,” doing what was expected of me. I was always quiet, in the background, never wanting to be noticed or make waves.
As I matured into adulthood, I went to church, sang in the choir, went to Bible studies, and taught Sunday school. However, there was something missing in my heart. I never felt at peace. I tried the whole singles dating thing, the bars, taking classes -- anything to fill up my time and the void in my heart.
Total Surrender to God – The Stress of Career Brought More Emptiness
Eventually, I got married, had children and a career. My life was more than full between home and work -- and the majority of my commitment was to my career. I lived for my job. Second to my job was my parents and siblings. My husband was all too often the primary caretaker of our children and the needs at home. Even when I was home, I was emotionally unavailable and unattached. I was usually too busy “trying to get things done” and was often angry, depressed, and stressed.
The year 2001 proved to be a major turning point for all of us, but most especially for me. My job was downsized and I was suddenly unemployed. For the first time in my adult life, I was forced to be at home. Our income was cut by 60 percent, my children were angry and bitter about so many things, and my husband and I were at odds most of the time. Things in our household were not pretty and that same empty void was bigger than ever.
Total Surrender to God – Learning the Peace of True Surrender
By August of that year, I was emotionally out of control and felt I had nothing left inside. I had no clue who I was or where to turn and in the process I was hurting everyone around me. Sometime during the third week of that month, I realized how empty and out of control I was. One night I poured my heart out in true surrender to God, telling Him all that I felt, all the things I had been doing, and how I had messed things up trying to do everything my own way. I asked for forgiveness and promised Him that if I lived another day, every breath I took, every day I lived would belong to Him. I could not do it my way anymore -- God needed to be in charge.
Since that night, my life has been in an almost continuous state of change and growth. I am learning -- step by step -- to truly trust God and allow Him to have control of my life, our home, relationships, finances, etc. I am learning what love, joy, and peace truly mean.
I have seen changes in our marriage and in our attitudes. I am on a continuous journey with God that is not always easy, but is always awe-inspiring and resulting in more and more internal peace, contentment, and hope. I am learning what faith and trust are all about and how very much God truly loves and accepts me.
If you are struggling with total surrender to God, talk to God about your thoughts, feelings, and resistance. Surrendering to God means that we yield our ownership. . .we relinquish control of our time, our property, our career. Anything that we consider as “rights.” We acknowledge what we thought was ours, is actually Gods. We are simply caretakers. We acknowledge that He knows best. We want His perfect plan!